official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
