I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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