I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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