If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He better not be in your backpack
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
