I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
