did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
