i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
