I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
