i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
