Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
