Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
