I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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