I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
