And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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