It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
