Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
