I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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