Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My feet surprised me
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