After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Rumble strips road head = magical
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
