I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize