he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
