Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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