don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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