when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
