he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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