I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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