Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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