Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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