What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
