..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
