I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
