His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
