I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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