I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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