Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
