Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
