i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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