I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
