Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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