I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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