I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
