I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
