did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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