ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize