The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
