the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize