cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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