I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
