10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
