Will you blow on my dice?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
