It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
