I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
