The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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