dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
