And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
