i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
