He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
