Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's the barista slut.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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