I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
