Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
