i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
