I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
