Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
operation have a gay friend backfired
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
