i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
