we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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