his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
