I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
