Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
