yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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