found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
