I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
