speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
