all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
