I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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