I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
