So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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