P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
