it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
