i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
