You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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