I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
