I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
