Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
