Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize