Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
