I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
