believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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