I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
