just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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