Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
