we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
