toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
