I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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