Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk is not a location!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
