so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
