I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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