this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
