No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
