Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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