He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
