Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
