I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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