Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
