..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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