I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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