hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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