Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
