My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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