You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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