like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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